Mediocrity is the key to Happiness?

Okay okay, for legal purposes, I have to say that this is my opinion. I have conducted no studies, but hear me out and see if it resonates with you.

Mediocrity is another word for average. Even as you read this, what images or words does your mind conjure up? For me….I’m noticing hints of gross, blah and failure, along with the image of a going nowhere job, life, relationship etc.

We have been given the idea that happiness comes from getting to the top of the class, being in the top position in our job, having the biggest house, the best cars, the most elaborate vacations, the hottest partner. Average means failure.

If you’re South Asian like me, you heard about all of your cousins learning how to make the roundest rotis or the yummiest subjis, or having the highest grades, best jobs etc. We grew up in a culture of comparison, so it is no wonder we wanted to fight to get to the top.

But, getting to the top is gruelling, challenging and sacrificial work. And if you’ve ever asked anyone what it felt like, they will tell you that “happy” would not be how they would describe the journey. Now, imagine if you felt you needed to be at the top for everything in your life? That anything less was failure?

You’d likely be experiencing exhaustion, burnout, anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, imposter syndrome….a lot of the things that I support people through in therapy.

So, what can mediocrity do for you?

Pursuing mediocrity can allow you to take the pressure of perfection off of yourself. You can make a choice based on your natural talent of what you might want to work harder at and excel farther in. And you can make a choice to be average at something you might not care that much about.

Let’s say you are a young professional who is in a job that you do enjoy but it can often be very stressful. The old-you might have felt that you need to be on call 24/7 and work overtime to get promoted, make more money. You get the promotion, you’re making more money….but the responsibilities pile up and the new promotion comes with higher stakes than you thought. Your desire for excellence makes you continue to work 24/7. This leaves no time for friends, family, hobbies and interests. But hey, you’re making more money that you can’t enjoy.

The new-you feels that promotion and perfection is not necessary for happiness. You choose to focus on what you excel at, what your natural talents actually are. You give yourself permission to engage in the parts of your job that truly energize you and do the bare minimum for the parts of your job that aren’t as important to you. Work provides you with a healthy level of stress which keeps it interesting but not debilitating. You have time for friends, family, hobbies and interests that actually fuel you. You’re not making as much money, but you’re content.

Oftentimes, people will say that they just need to get that next promotion, just get a few more clients, or just need get into university and then they’ll be fine. But ask yourself what you did the last time you achieved your goal? Survey says…………you chose another goal!!! We never stop. So when does this happiness come?

Someone on my Instagram post of this topic made a comment to the effect that mediocrity is fine if you are okay with mediocre pay. And to that I say, that’s exactly right! But, if you’re not okay with mediocre pay, determine what you need to make more money. You can choose to focus on making more money if that is what you’d like to do.

So often, we aren’t given a choice. We have been told how to behave and act by society, our parents, teachers and family members. It’s not easy to shed these expectations, often because perfection may have served us and been protective for us growing up. But it it no longer does that. We have a choice now. And choosing how we pursue excellence is the exact type of resistance we need. Perfectionism in everything in our life is unnecessary to live.

Now, I will absolutely acknowledge my glaring privilege here as a cisgendered, middle class, neuro-typical woman in a heterosexual marriage. Oftentimes, people who are not part of the prevailing culture, find that they have to work 10 times harder in order to even be seen and valued in the world. The more we use our privilege to stop romanticizing the capitalistic structures of hustle culture, the more we can fight against the backwards idea that extreme levels of perfection are to be valued.

If you’d like some support and guidance on how to move from “old-you” to “new you”, book a free 15 minute consultation. I’d love to hear from you!

Influences:

The Happiness Advantage: Seven Principles of Positive Psychology that Fuel Success and Performance at Work - Shawn Achor

The Nap Ministry: Rest is Resistance - Instagram @thenapministry - Nap Bishop Tricia Hersey