You may be here because you’re considering working with a therapist, but it’s making you really anxious. You hear people seeing therapists and how wonderful it seems or you may even have heard some horror stories.

Here are five reasons why this is difficult, and I can promise that you are absolutely not alone.

You’ve grown up in a home where emotions were not honoured

If you’ve grown up in a South Asian household, our parents were focused on putting food on the table and a roof over our heads. They had no time for feelings, and they didn’t think you did either. Depression is a “white person’s problem” and mental health was just not discussed. That was a stark contrast to some of the expression of emotionality we would see in our parents - either a lot of anger, or crying but it was never processed or directly addressed. So, as a child, you’re left to make your own conclusions with your limited knowledge of the world and developing brain. This results in thinking that emotions are bad, they make everyone around you uncomfortable and you shouldn’t feel them.

Real Talk:

Everyone has mental health just like we have physical health. Emotionality will show up whether we like it or not, so we might as well learn how to work with it, manage it and honour it so that we can use it to our advantage. Our emotions provide us with valuable information, we just need to pay attention.

Society has vilified those with mental health conditions

Mental health stigma has long been around. Society requires us to fit into a mold…one that is often hetero-normative, white, middle class, small bodied, able-bodied and able minded. Anyone outside of that mold is seen as divergent, wierd, quirky or someone to be fixed. Media reports show people with mental health conditions as violent, heinous crimes (especially committed by white individuals) are seen to be the result of mental illness. Movies and TV shows are notorious for depicting mental illness in a negative light. So, why would anyone want to seek help for something like this? They do not want to be labelled as “crazy” or “unhinged”.

Real Talk:

This is starting to change in the last number of years or so. Therapy is now spoken about in a positive light. Learning about your emotions is starting to be seen a sign of maturity and intelligence. There is still a lot of work to do, but we are starting to fight back and recognize how important this really is.

You’re afraid of judgement

The shame connected to mental health conditions or expression of emotion can cause us to believe that we’re the only ones going through this. We believe that our therapist will laugh at us, or will judge us for what we are saying. It takes a shit ton of courage to sit in front of someone and tell them something that you have been keeping inside, especially if you’ve been invalidated or judged for it. You may feel guilty for talking about how difficult life can get, especially if you are from a privileged group….you might feel that you “shouldn’t” be having problems because there are people out there who have it worse than you.

Real Talk:

Therapists have heard a lot. Not much can phase us, and we have usually heard it more times than we can count. We are also highly trained to hold space for whatever you bring to us and help you through it. It’s our literal job to do that. I can’t speak for all therapists, but I can speak for me and my values and ethics regarding judgement of others. Your problems are valid, and you deserve to be heard.

It’s expensive af

I’m not going to lie, this can be a big one. It is not cheap to access therapy and can be a huge barrier for those looking to access support. The money mindset that immigrant children often have, comes into play. If it’s expensive, we feel that we must get some type of tangible benefit from it. It’s been grilled into us that these types of things are frivolous and you don’t even know what you’ll get out of it. The non-tangible benefits to our mental health are unseen, therefore they don’t matter.

Real Talk:

This is 10000% true. And I can tell you that there are free or low cost ways to access therapy and support. There may be a wait, but government funded agencies employ therapists who can help. Crisis lines, self help books, podcasts, social media can all start you on a journey of self reflection and mental wellness. Let’s also remember that therapy is not the only way to improve mental health - exercise, gratitude journalling, mindfulness practice, community involvement can also have a positive effect on one’s life.

It’s overwhelming

Looking for a therapist that you click with can take a great deal of time and energy that you might not have! You search the various directories and it’s really hard to narrow down what you’re even looking for and who will be the best fit. You might even reach out, and no one emails you back. Or, you have a hard time finding someone who would understand the cultural nuances that we know come with immigrant life. You also worry about wasting time and money with a therapist who can’t help you or just doesn’t get it. You are right to have those worries.

Real Talk:

I hear this loud and clear. Utilize the filters in directories, try to get specific on what you’re looking for, be discerning and take advantage of the consultation call. Directories like South Asian Therapists or Healing in Colour can help you narrow down your search for a racialized therapist. Lastly, give me a call. Even if you don’t feel like I can help you, I am constantly networking with other therapists and may be able to pass on a curated list of names for you.

If this post has helped allay some of your concerns regarding accessing therapy, and you are ready to reach out. Click the button below and let’s book a consultation time. You deserve it.

Let’s talk